think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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