Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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