Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
