I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
