Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize