after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
