We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We are two peas in an std pod
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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