I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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