is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
