my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
