I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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