highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
