Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
