Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
