I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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