I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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