super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
