i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize