like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
