Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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