Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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