He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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