I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
