She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
