She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
