My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
