You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
