based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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