how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
