Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
