I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
