Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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