I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
