there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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