What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
