I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
