my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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