The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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