Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
