she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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