they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
