We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
