Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
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