On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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