all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
