Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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