just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
