Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
