Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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