I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
