You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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