Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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