Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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