and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
