He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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