her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
