Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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