I got chris browned last night
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
