please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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