I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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