The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize