guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
