Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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