Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
