do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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