Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I fill condoms, not promises.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize