Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
