Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
