Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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