Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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