so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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