dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
