If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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