So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
