They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
