I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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