your room smells of hookers.
And success
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
