My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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