Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
