Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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